time: Jan 11 15:10 (Pacific Time)
from: Philip
host: 209.86.134.103
subject: Ring-Dings, Ding-Dongs, Hi-Hos, and Nilla Wafers
MESSAGE:
Wow... kudos all, this is the tandemest it's been in ages, it's like we've all been having an orgy or something...
time: Jan 12 06:59 (Pacific Time)
from: Lanark
host: 12.75.135.187
subject: the impossible dream
MESSAGE:
snort, chuckle, HAHAHAHAHA....
just freakin' brilliant.
time: Jan 12 17:25 (Pacific Time)
from: cuddles
host: 208.254.225.26
subject: Philip's lovely margins
MESSAGE:
Say, Mr. Welsh, how do you do all that itallicized stuff and colors and paragraphs? It makes such a lovely presentation and I can't figure out how you do it! What is your secret, pray tell?
time: Jan 13 07:28 (Pacific Time)
from: Philip
host: 209.86.134.51
e-mail: fishie_pie@hotmail.com
subject: html text formatting
MESSAGE:
nice catch on the tom lehrer, cuddles...
here's the dirt
type: and you will get:
<br> line break
<p> paragraph break (i.e., an extra line-space)
<i> start italic
</i> end italic
<b> start bold
</b> end bold
colors: colors work the same way italic and bold do -- you have to turn them on and off. Scarlet (as in, "as Scarlet as Mr. Tickles' diminutive bottom") for instance, bears the number FF0000. So to make text scarlet, you type in:
<FONT COLOR=#FF0000>
and then when you want the text to return to black (or whatever the default color is), you type:
</FONT>
some colors are:
scarlet: ff0000
royal blue: 0066cc
emerald green: 00cc00
light blue: 33ffff
purple: 6600cc
etc. etc. -- for the motherlode of RGB colors and their html codes, go visit our fabulous host's famously helpful Color-Helper page at:
http://www.pangloss.com/seidel/ClrHlpr/color.html
My only word of caution, however, is to use this stuff sparingly -- (a) because since you have to constantly turn these codings on and off, it can maddening trying to keep track what's still bold, what has to become italic again, etc., and (b) excess html coding can considerably slow down an otherwise speedy page.
Enough.
Yours in Crust,
The Right Rev'd Jerry Falwell
time: Jan 13 13:18 (Pacific Time)
from: Lanark
host: 12.75.129.51
e-mail:
subject: the Sigried Follies of 1999
MESSAGE:
Yea Gods! it's turning into a musical. Somebody call Liza and Andrew Lloyd Webber. We'll take Broadway by storm!
time: Jan 13 13:47 (Pacific Time)
from: Philip
host: 209.86.134.33
e-mail:
subject: The American Tribal Love-Rock Musical
MESSAGE:
When the moooooooooooon
Is in the 7th houuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse
And Ju-pi-ter
ali-igns with Mars
Then peas
will guide the pla-a-nets
and beans
will rule the stars
this is the dawning of the age of the vegetable...
time: Jan 13 13:49 (Pacific Time)
from: Philip
host: 209.86.134.33
e-mail:
subject: food for thought
MESSAGE:
It suddenly strikes me, also, that despite itself the current storyline remains inextricably tied to young Jake's night of autoerotic somnambulisms...which, when you think about it, doesn't make the future look too hopeful for Jake...
time: Jan 13 15:15 (Pacific Time)
from: cuddles
host: 208.254.230.108
e-mail:
subject: Look, Ma! No hands!
MESSAGE:
I did it! Thankyou for the education, Mr. Welsh. Oooh I feel so superior all of a sudden,;-)
time: Jan 13 15:40 (Pacific Time)
from: Philip
host: 209.86.134.33
e-mail:
subject: texticular coding
MESSAGE:
Just like an infomercial -- YOU TOO CAN BE A WEB DESIGNER AND PROGRAMMER IN JUST 17 SECONDS WITH THIS ALL NEW HANDS-ON KIT FROM BLAMMO! ORDER NOW AND YOU'LL RECEIVE A FREE COPY OF OUR BESTSELLING BOOK "HOW TO CONQUER THE WORLD AND BECOME ABSOLUTE DICTATOR IN JUST 3 HOURS!"
time: Jan 13 16:00 (Pacific Time)
from: cuddles
host: 208.254.230.108
e-mail:
subject: world domination
MESSAGE:
Oooh, I'd pay almost anything for that kind of easy to use knowledge! But wait, is that all I get?
time: Jan 14 04:57 (Pacific Time)
from: lanark
host: 12.75.166.83
e-mail:
subject: But WAIT there's more!
MESSAGE:
And we'll throw in this stainless steel vegetable peeler that slices, dices and makes fancy potato garnishes ABSOLUTELY FREE!!
And that's not ALL!
time: Jan 14 07:04 (Pacific Time)
from: Philip
host: 209.86.134.21
e-mail: fishie_pie@hotmail.com
subject: And that's not all...
MESSAGE:
Order within the next fifteen seconds and we'll throw, ABSOLUTELY FREE OF CHARGE, this 400-pound Estonian hermaphrodite! That's right, a hermaphrodite of your very own! It cooks! It cleans! It comes equipped to satisfy all desires, no matter how painstakingly specific or perverse, and what's more, we've already housebroken it for you! Hurry -- offer only good while supplies last...
time: Jan 14 09:22 (Pacific Time)
from: cuddles
host: 153.36.254.146
e-mail:
subject: irresistable salespitch
MESSAGE:
Wow! I can't resist! But I couldn't pay a penny more than $19.94. Unless, of course, you REALLY made it worth my while.
time: Jan 14 10:27 (Pacific Time)
from: Philip
host: 209.86.134.22
e-mail: BobBarker@ThePriceIsRight
subject: Take that, Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes!
MESSAGE:
And we WILL! That's right, we're not just GIVING away this quality merchandise to valued customers like you, Cuddles Richards, we're actually going so far into debt that this time next year we'll be filing for bankruptcy, all to offer you, the customer, the DEAL OF A LIFETIME! That's why if you order right this very instant, without even taking time out to refill your third cocktail of the morning or see that man about a certain horse, we'll throw in -- ABSOLUTELY FREE OF CHARGE TO YOU -- this collectable Soviet nuclear warhead, circa 1983, fully armed and ready to launch at your sworn enemies! And that's not all -- if you order right this second, without even taking the time to finish reading this ad, we'll surprise you with a lifetime supply of good vibrations, a dusty Betamax copy of Annie, a lifetime supply of El Jihad™ brand marinated sheep's testicles, and a 1999 Jeep Cherokee painted in mod-a-go-go decorative designs based on that faulty DNA replication deep within you which will ultimately cause you to develop 17 types of CANCER! But not only that, after you die, we'll even GIVE YOUR BODY TO AN EVIL GENIUS for his twisted experiments! And if that weren't enough, if you have already ordered and are only reading the small print to see what sort of last-last-last-minute offers you missed out on by ordering too early, we'll give you a BANANA-CREME PIE IN THE FACE! (pant, pant...)
time: Jan 14 14:17 (Pacific Time)
from: cuddles
host: 208.254.224.200
e-mail:
subject: The fine art of haggling
MESSAGE:
Well, that's very tempting indeed! But it seems a little too good to be true. Can you absolutely 100% guarantee my total and complete happiness for the rest of my natural life if I use your product?
time: Jan 15 08:17 (Pacific Time)
from: Philip
host: 209.86.134.119
e-mail:
subject: corrupting Hadleyburg
MESSAGE:
We not only guarantee all our products ONE HUNDRED AND TEN PERCENT, we're so sure of your satisfaction, we're willing to put the lives of our team of highly trained sales reps and managers on the line! That's right! If one single customer is unhappy with his or her purchase, OUR ENTIRE SALES FORCE WILL COMMITT MASS SUICIDE, or your money back!
time: Jan 15 20:14 (Pacific Time)
from: cuddles
host: 208.255.72.70
e-mail:
subject: I'm sold!
MESSAGE:
Okay! I'd even pay $19.95 for the chance to see a bunch of salesmen off themselves. Do you accept C.O.D.?
time: Jan 17 09:21 (Pacific Time)
from: A former nun
host: 204.186.33.178
e-mail:
subject: It's a secret!
MESSAGE:
Shhhhhhh
What Philip doesn't know and cuddles isn't telling him is that every woman knows the only thing that will satisfy her ONE HUNDRED AND TEN PERCENT is a man with a penis on his chin.
So...let's hope the poisoned kool-aid is chilled and ready to serve.
time: Jan 18 10:21 (Pacific Time)
from: Mr Tickles
host: 206.145.121.17
e-mail:
subject: satisfaction
MESSAGE:
How coincidental, I only find nuns satisfactory when they have my penis on their chin.
time: Jan 18 10:37 (Pacific Time)
from: Philip
host: 209.86.134.65
e-mail:
subject: not by the ____ on my chinny-chinny-chin
MESSAGE:
yes, I accidentally circumcised myself once while shaving off my goatee...
time: Jan 18 10:45 (Pacific Time)
from: Sister Mary Margaret
host: 204.186.33.16
e-mail:
subject: Priapic dwarves
MESSAGE:
My dearest Mr. Tickles,
You would be an exception to the rule. If a man's penis extends beyond his chin it really doesn't matter where it starts from. Forgive me.
Her Holiness
time: Jan 18 15:07 (Pacific Time)
from: Philip
host: 209.86.134.65
e-mail: fishie_pie@hotmail.com
subject: Why Donovan walks that way
MESSAGE:
Alas, poor Mr. Tickles would seem to have more important things on his mind at the moment, being, as it were, right in the "thick" of things...
Very funny going with the kama sutra stuff. I laughed through a whole day of work...
time: Jan 19 08:15 (Pacific Time)
from: Philip
host: 209.86.134.60
e-mail:
subject: Sexual Anomalies: Pro and Con
MESSAGE:
No lie, I woke up this morning, lay in bed for fifteen minutes stretching shamelessly and reviewing the night's strange dreams even though I was already late, and then it suddenly struck me that the poor man afflicted with a penis on his chin would suffer (e.g., "Faster! Harder! Oh oh oh!") the most horrendous cases of WHIPLASH...
time: Jan 19 11:03 (Pacific Time)
from: Sister Mary Margaret
host: 204.186.33.80
e-mail: digi@ptd.net
subject: dreams
MESSAGE:
Another coincidence.
The idea of penises on chins came to me in a dream too.
Although, in my dream, no one was complaining about whiplash.
No one was complaining at all.
time: Jan 19 13:14 (Pacific Time)
from: Philip
host: 209.86.134.46
e-mail:
subject: dreams indeed
MESSAGE:
That's because you dream exclusively of sex-slaves kept insensately doped up on a wide variety of rectally-administered psychopharmaceuticals. I know who you are, Sister Mary Margaret -- I read your comics in high school. You're (gasp) THE LEATHER NUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
time: Jan 19 14:40 (Pacific Time)
from: Philip
host: 209.86.134.46
e-mail:
subject: Hurry! Supplies are Limited!
MESSAGE:
And while I have the floor -- Cuddles Richards, 5 precious days have passed and our sales force STILL haven't heard from you, causing them to suffer excruciating bouts of canker sores, intestinal bleeding, epileptic seizures, and hemmorhoids!!! Act now, while this MIDNIGHT MADNESS limited time offer stands, or our Customer Service Attendants might develop shingles, bubonic plague, even the deaded Mad Cow Disease!!! Order now, and we'll send a BRAND NEW FLATCAR FILLED WITH SMALLPOX-INFESTED BLANKETS to the struggling remnants of the once-powerful Sioux nation on scenic Pine Ridge Reservation in lovely SOUTH DAKOTA! We'll even fly you and a friend their to watch the demoralizing CARNAGE! And if that weren't a bright enough pickle already...
time: Jan 19 15:12 (Pacific Time)
from: Sister Mary Margaret
host: 204.186.33.77
e-mail: digi@ptd.net
subject: Hmmmm, I wonder...
MESSAGE:
I'm I the only one wondering which body part Philip was stretching shamelessly for 15 minutes this morning?
time: Jan 20 08:23 (Pacific Time)
from: El Sapo Misterioso
host: 209.86.134.42
e-mail:
subject:
MESSAGE:
Q: How many animals can you fit into a pair of pantyhose?
A: 10 little piggies, 2 calves, 1 ass, 1 beaver, and an unknown number of hares.
time: Jan 20 08:25 (Pacific Time)
from: Philip
host: 209.86.134.42
e-mail:
subject: These False Allegations
MESSAGE:
If you must know, Mary Margaret, I was stretching my nose...
time: Jan 20 13:14 (Pacific Time)
from: Lanark
host: 12.75.128.210
e-mail:
subject: stretching
MESSAGE:
and most likely scratching at his chin whiskers which is always such a plearure in the wee hours of the morn.
time: Jan 20 15:10 (Pacific Time)
from: Philip
host: 209.86.134.42
e-mail:
subject:
MESSAGE:
No, I personally like to stroke my poor chafed EGO in the mornings...
time: Jan 20 15:35 (Pacific Time)
from: Lanark
host: 12.75.130.116
e-mail:
subject: well, then
MESSAGE:
If you didn't stroke it so much it might not be so chafed.
time: Jan 20 15:36 (Pacific Time)
from: The Leather Nun
host: 204.186.33.51
e-mail: digi@ptd.net
subject: Philip's naughty bits
MESSAGE:
Ego??? I thought you told me you called it "Mr. French".
I didn't realize it was chafed. That explains why you're always
slathering it in Jergen's Lotion.
And just to clear things up...I don't share my psychopharmaceuticals
with anybody.
I hate to impinge on your creative talents, but I have a small favor to ask. Would someone mind taking the liberty to wrap up the current story and start a new one? I'd do it myself but I'm really busy at the moment, and I find the crowd in here to be not only masters of their own domains, but quite trustworthy, and extremely adept at productive originality. You are, in fact, so wonderfully prolific that the story has grown quite large and I haven't had a chance to find a good break point to make it into a "book" and start another thread. If you like the current story line feel free to set the stage for a sequel in the form of the next book. Some of the earlier stories use this approach, such that some of the books could easily be considered a series on the continuing adventures of Vashondra du Luncheonette.
If you decide to take up the offer, simply leave some fairly obvious mark, like "the end"
Thanks. -Chris
time: Jan 21 10:40 (Pacific Time)
from: Philip
host: 209.86.134.62
e-mail: phillip.welsh@ftf.com
subject: Chris' Last Request...
MESSAGE:
It's done
I think we all owe Mr. Seidel a round of thanks, for hosting us so hostfully.
Hey, Cuddles, where in Sam Hill are you?
time: Jan 21 12:24 (Pacific Time)
from: Chris
host: my beloved vault-particle
subject: Good Job
MESSAGE:
Excellent Work! Good Job, and thanks. If I wore a hat I would take it off.
time: Jan 21 13:28 (Pacific Time)
from: cuddles
host: 208.254.225.10
e-mail: csrichards@earthlink.net
subject: the west side of Sam Hill
MESSAGE:
My how things change so quickly around here! I completely missed the end of cupcake island (which, I must say, could not have come too soon!) Although catapulting Mr. Tickles into the nether regions of Donovan was a rather fitting demise for the little bastard. I'm all a tingle with excitement and anticipation of what new characters will develop.
By the way, Mr. Welsh, I do recall inquiring as to whether your company accepts c.o.d. Although, I'm thoroughly enjoying watching your sales force destroy themselves!
time: Jan 22 08:49 (Pacific Time)
from: Philip
host: 209.86.134.4
e-mail: fishie_pie@hotmail.com
subject:
MESSAGE:
Well, if you enjoy watching the unsung heroes of telemarketing commit ritual seppuku, you gonna LOVE this! Not only have I lost all seven-nine-and-one-half of my commission-based employees, Cuddles Richards, but right now I'M GOING TO KILL MYSELF! That's right, as you read these words I'm tying the noose around the sturdiest rafter in the attic, stepping up the chair, taking that TERRIFYING LEAP and KICKING THE CHAIR AWAY! That's right, Mrs. Richards, MY OWN LIFE HAS BECOME A LIMITED OFFER! Act Now! Oxygen supplies are extremely limited!
time: Jan 22 17:00 (Pacific Time)
from: cuddles
host: 208.255.86.9
MESSAGE:
Is there an echo in here?
You drive a hard bargain, Mr. Welsh! But I can only pay by travelers cheque, C.O.D and not a penny more than $19.95.
time: Jan 23 20:44 (Pacific Time)
from: Lanark
host: 12.75.129.218
subject: Oh God, not again
MESSAGE:
I thought we were on a new story with new characters.
time: Jan 25 07:38 (Pacific Time)
from: Philip
host: user-38ld1hq.dialup.mindspring.com
e-mail: fishie_pie
subject: those who cannot learn from the past are doomed to repeat it
MESSAGE:
Yeah, I have to concur with Lanark. I know the Fictional FIve were an integral part of previous books, but by now, they're a cutesy evasion, and to my oversensitive nose, a big ol' zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
time: Jan 26 15:24 (Pacific Time)
from: Roger Weaver
host: user-38ld1hs.dialup.mindspring.com
e-mail: fishie_pie@hotmail.com
subject: All Quiet on the Tandem Front
MESSAGE:
Where is everyone?
time: Jan 26 22:23 (Pacific Time)
from: Pope JPG II
host: 3Cust71.tnt31.sfo3.da.uu.net
subject: She loves you, yeah yeah yeah
MESSAGE:
'Ere I am, JH. The ghost in the machine.
time: Jan 27 11:52 (Pacific Time)
from: Cranky the Dwarf
host: user-38ld1h8.dialup.mindspring.com
e-mail: fishie_pie@hotmail.com
subject: Zen and the Art of Tandeming
MESSAGE:
Nice work back there, cuddles! I swear, sometimes i think our job here is to be like herding-dogs, yipping and biting at the ankles of all the errant cows and sheep who start to get out of line... the story is like the whole herd, being driven from point A to the unknown point B in the distance — but certain cows are more difficult than others...
time: Jan 27 15:08 (Pacific Time)
from: Lee (Aquila)
host: abb5d10.dial.uniserve.ca
subject: My Apologies
MESSAGE:
I accidently submitted what I wrote twice. My apologies.
time: Jan 27 18:23 (Pacific Time)
from: cuddles
host: 2Cust21.tnt31.sfo3.da.uu.net
subject: Difficult cows.
MESSAGE:
Yes, and persistant too!
time: Jan 28 05:43 (Pacific Time)
from: lanark
host: 251.minneapolis-16-17rs.mn.dial-access.att.net
subject: our lives as Lassie
MESSAGE:
geesh, computer goes down for a couple of days and look what happens...
At least with a bit of patience and Pavlovian stimuli you can train a cow a bit of propriety.
time: Jan 28 13:37 (Pacific Time)
from: Philip
host: user-38ld1hk.dialup.mindspring.com
e-mail: fishie_pie@hotmail.com
subject: gee-hah!, li'l dogeys (or was that li'l Debbies?)
MESSAGE:
Well, perhaps, as web technology evolves, someday, not to long into the future, our dear host will be able to provide us with a virtual milking room, where we can submit those persistent bovines to the humilating experience of being publically milked...
time: Jan 28 20:25 (Pacific Time)
from:
host: abb5d27.dial.uniserve.ca
MESSAGE:
Oh, wouldn't that be fun.
time: Jan 29 08:00 (Pacific Time)
from: Philip
host: user-38ld1ga.dialup.mindspring.com
subject: Les douceurs de la vache
MESSAGE:
Whoops! Typo. I meant pubically milked.
This is a really strange one we have going right now, eh? I mean, they're all strange, we're all pretty strange too (excepting Lanark, that is, who's as apple-pie as the one on the side of the Ritz cracker box) — but this one's stranger than usual...
time: Jan 29 15:44 (Pacific Time)
from: Aquila
host: abb5d25.dial.uniserve.ca
MESSAGE:
You mean there not all like this?
time: Jan 30 08:35 (Pacific Time)
from: Lanark:all american
host: 206.145.121.17
e-mail: ignavia@worldnet.att.net
subject: strangeness
MESSAGE:
I don't know if this one's any stranger than any of the others. I think it might just be that this one seems not to be working so hard to be really outrageous as past efforts and consequently becomes perhaps more odd in its low keyness. that and that it's not a direct parody of something else (which probably doesn't hurt the effect either.)
time: Jan 30 11:42 (Pacific Time)
from: spackle
host: 206.145.121.17
subject: some folks don't take a hint.
MESSAGE:
It seems that now it's just a matter of spite.
time: Jan 30 18:38 (Pacific Time)
from: Lanark
host: 71.minneapolis-21-22rs.mn.dial-access.att.net
subject: For sure.
MESSAGE:
I'm constantly being struck with this image of a bratty spoiled child with a foul mouthed Tourette's syndrome at a formal dinner. Granted that this is a form of democracy in the sense that people are free to post as they want, and I would be hard pressed to tell anyone what they can and cannot do, but at a certain point when one becomes disruptive of the greater whole it seems best if they are removed from polite society. This is a desperate cry for attention. and like all bratty children should be ignored until they learn to behave better in public.
time: Jan 30 21:23 (Pacific Time)
from: cuddles
host: 1Cust210.tnt2.sfo3.da.uu.net
subject: ignoring bratty children
MESSAGE:
I'd like to nominate Phillip and Lanark for some sort of metal finger award (since silver is already spoken for) How about the titanium alloy finger award? Or perhaps the 10 kt gold electroplate finger award? Or the platinum blonde finger award? Do I hear a second?
time: Jan 31 01:53 (Pacific Time)
from: Chris
host: vault-particle.berkeley.edu
subject: of awards and what not
MESSAGE:
Yes Yes of course, they've more than earned it. I've been thinking about it for some time and had simply not had a chance to put one together. A friend of mine used to tell me how his fingers were like vienna sausages, so of course the Iron finger award springs to mind. I'll to it the first chance I have.
time: Jan 31 05:49 (Pacific Time)
from: lanark
host: 146.minneapolis-08-09rs.mn.dial-access.att.net
subject: awards? Gosh
MESSAGE:
Really, you are too kind. I am humbled and deeply honored by your consideration.
I personally just wish Cuddles would stop by with a bit more frequency to help keep the ball rolling. pH and Jeffster too. fine writers all.
time: Jan 31 11:19 (Pacific Time)
from: cuddles
host: 2Cust102.tnt31.sfo3.da.uu.net
e-mail: csrichards@earthlink.net
subject: keeping the ball rolling
MESSAGE:
I would have been around a little more this week but I had some trouble getting into the site. I don't know why and eventually, as usually happens with this sort of thing, it fixed itself. Ah, the web is a magical and mysterious place. I would contribute a lot more often but I'm not in front of my computer all day like some people we all know and love.
time: Jan 31 13:39 (Pacific Time)
from: Lanark
host: 206.145.121.17
subject: A.S.
MESSAGE:
There seems to be some confusion around the initials A.S. It's a cop from "Journey to the center of the Earth" by Jules Verne. (Arne Saknussemm in the book.)
time: Feb 1 08:23 (Pacific Time)
from: Philip
host: user-38ld1hb.dialup.mindspring.com
e-mail: fishie_pie@hotmail.com
subject: Iron Sausages
MESSAGE:
Returning to www.reality after a champagne weekend in the Hebrides where scantily clad nymphets [censored] me with their concomitant [censored] and then [censored] [censored] and [censored] — to find this! Tears welled in my eyes, I was so deeply honored, even if my co-honoree is prone to wearing thin red leather ties circa 1983 and re-recording entire albums by the Knack...
Thanks Chris & cuddles
time: Feb 1 10:08 (Pacific Time)
from: lanark
host: 206.145.121.17
e-mail: ignavia@worldnet.att.net
subject: fashion
MESSAGE:
I deny these charges.I never had a red leather tie.
a red satin oneis perhaps moldering away in a distant closet along with a blue satin one with a Batman logo on it yes. but no leather.
time: Feb 1 10:09 (Pacific Time)
from: Philip
host: user-38ld1hc.dialup.mindspring.com
e-mail: the_@_in_the_hat
subject: recent arrivals
MESSAGE:
Hey, Aquila — you're a welcome addition to all this madness. Nice work.
time: Feb 1 10:25 (Pacific Time)
from: Philip
host: user-38ld1hc.dialup.mindspring.com
e-mail: fishie_pie@hotmail.com
subject: Lanark
MESSAGE:
...not to mention his nasty little penchant for karaokeing "What I Like About You" dressed in Tasmanian Devil underoos in front of the mirror at 3 o'clock in the morning and then sending his friends videotapes of it as a so-called "Christmas present." But he is, I must admit, a mean shot with a whang-gun, and when he beats upon his dumbek resembles much Rasputin...
time: Feb 1 10:35 (Pacific Time)
from: Philip
host: user-38ld1hc.dialup.mindspring.com
e-mail: fishie_pie@hotmail.com
subject: Naughty cows and their ilk
MESSAGE:
Since we're on the subject of awards, though, I'd like to add, as a point of order, the concept of the STINKY Finger Award...
time: Feb 2 12:12 (Pacific Time)
from: El Pato Peligroso
host: user-38ld1h9.dialup.mindspring.com
MESSAGE:
nice catch (and slip) on the Roger-Jake mixup, Cuddles; I think I'd eaten too much Welsh Rarebit back there...
time: Feb 2 16:23 (Pacific Time)
from: cuddles
host: 3Cust139.tnt20.sfo3.da.uu.net
subject: Jake and Roger could be one and the same.
MESSAGE:
Well, Jake was with us for a long time and sometimes these adventures just seem to run together. Loved the Davey Jones locker bit. I think there was a missed opportunity in there somewhere.
time: Feb 2 16:48 (Pacific Time)
from: lanark
host: 34.minneapolis-16-17rs.mn.dial-access.att.net
subject: running together
MESSAGE:
Well, to be truly honest, this one is rather a continuation/tangent to Jake's saga. Roger Weaver was in the porn shop at the same time as Jake and George and poor Roger is not getting laid either. As in most of the things that occur in this universe we are creating there is an infinite loop of connected relationships.
time: Feb 3 09:45 (Pacific Time)
from: Dr. Freud
host: user-38ld1g9.dialup.mindspring.com
subject: "When I Think Abow-wout You I Touch Myself..."
MESSAGE:
Good heavens, Moneypenny — so what you're implying there is, then, that all things lead, in an infinite loop, over and over again, continually back to some form of autoerotic guilt or shame?
time: Feb 3 11:25 (Pacific Time)
from: cuddles
host: 1Cust180.tnt2.sfo3.da.uu.net
subject: Zen and the art of Tandem Story
MESSAGE:
So in effect, this is merely a microcosm of our greater universe, circle of life and all that.
time: Feb 3 12:06 (Pacific Time)
from: Watson
host: user-38ld1je.dialup.mindspring.com
e-mail: ye olde fishie pie
subject: Life as we know it...
MESSAGE:
Then — good god, Holmes! — that can only mean —
time: Feb 3 14:34 (Pacific Time)
from: cuddles
host: 1Cust7.tnt20.sfo3.da.uu.net
subject: It was all Professor Moriarty's doing!
MESSAGE:
Yes, Watson. Precisely!
time: Feb 4 08:44 (Pacific Time)
from: Lanark
host: 206.145.121.17
subject: interconnections
MESSAGE:
Yes, absolutely. we ARE all Kevin Bacon.
time: Feb 4 11:38 (Pacific Time)
from: Philip
host: user-38ld1ht.dialup.mindspring.com
e-mail: fishie_pie@hotmail.com
subject: Are you trying to tell me that...
MESSAGE:
But then — uh, uh, uh — then — then it must necessarily follow that —
time: Feb 5 17:51 (Pacific Time)
from: lanark
host: 126.minneapolis-03-04rs.mn.dial-access.att.net
e-mail: ignavia@worldnet.att.net
subject: I am
MESSAGE:
Yes, most certainly and indubitably so-
time: Feb 5 20:37 (Pacific Time)
from: cuddles
host: 1Cust137.tnt22.sfo3.da.uu.net
e-mail: csrichards@earthlink.net
subject: Indeed
MESSAGE:
We are all within 1 degree of each other! Bah-duh-duh!
time: Feb 6 07:42 (Pacific Time)
from: lanark
host: 206.145.121.17
subject: 1 degree
MESSAGE:
Exactimundo, we are all running low grade fevers, hence this low grade welsh rarebit fantasy we constantly construct.
time: Feb 7 09:12 (Pacific Time)
from: Carolyn
host: cgowave-21-143.cgocable.net
e-mail: celamb@cgo.wave.ca
subject: html stuff
MESSAGE:
Gee I wish I had seen that stuff about formatting earlier! I posted two or three poems without a clue how to do it (oops).
time: Feb 8 14:36 (Pacific Time)
from: Philip
host: user-38ld1h5.dialup.mindspring.com
subject: Whatever happened to the Tooth Bitch, anyway?
MESSAGE:
So I thought we owed Jake a certain amount of denouement, leaving him back there in Limbo like we did....
time: Feb 8 16:53 (Pacific Time)
from: cuddles
host: 1Cust13.tnt22.sfo3.da.uu.net
subject: Or Meredith for that matter
MESSAGE:
Ah well, sooner or later they all come back.
time: Feb 9 13:32 (Pacific Time)
from: Philip
host: user-38ld1gg.dialup.mindspring.com
e-mail: fishie_pie@hotmail.com
subject: "Y'all come back, nah, y'heah!"
MESSAGE:
Life is a circle. Time is a giant Sit n' Spin. Maturity is the Rinse cycle. And death is that familiar whirlpool in the wake of a toilet being flushed. But wait — Mrs. Richards — this is your LAST CHANCE to order — as of THIS VERY EVENING our last SALESMAN will have STARVED TO DEATH while waiting for you to ACT NOW ON THIS ONCE-IN-A-LIFETIME-OFFER! That's right, you'll get the punji sticks, the sentient ashtray, 400 rolls of humidity-dampened TOILET TISSUE, the commemorative Dr. Seuss edition of The Joy of Anonymous Sex, the last malaria-ridden MONGOLIAN SHAMAN, the kettle of 200-year-old whale fat, these amazing exclamation points (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), six pairs of Mr. Tickles' CRUSTY UNDERWEAR, and this certificate for a FREE SPINAL TAP! All for the amazing low price of $21.93!
time: Feb 9 15:15 (Pacific Time)
from: cuddles
host: 1Cust171.tnt22.sfo3.da.uu.net
subject: wheeling and dealing
MESSAGE:
Well, I was only willing to pay $19.95 so could I just have everything except the ashtray? I'll pay with my Discover card if you don't accept c.o.d.
time: Feb 11 13:52 (Pacific Time)
from: Philip
host: user-38ld1he.dialup.mindspring.com
subject: The Priiiiiiiiiiiice is Right!!!!!!!
MESSAGE:
Our dead sales force are giving up their commissions as they gave up their own lives, to bring you this special one-time offer for the amazing low price of just $20.47! Due to UPC restrictions we are unable at this time to remove the ashtray, but we will ship it to you filled to the brim with a unique selction of vintage cigarette and cigar butts, spent matches, and chewed bubblegum! But hurry — supplies are limited!
time: Feb 11 14:40 (Pacific Time)
from: The Fictional Five
host: cgowave-21-143.cgocable.net
e-mail: FicFive@immortal.heroes.cgi
subject: By the way
MESSAGE:
We promise never to invade the story again if Roger, Anita, and their friends can get Janice back to normal and save the world!
time: Feb 11 14:43 (Pacific Time)
from: EVIL REMOTE CONTROL
host: cgowave-21-143.cgocable.net
e-mail: Remote63@impossible.villains.cgi
subject: Sorry fictional five...
MESSAGE:
But theres no way Janice will ever escape my clutches! Theres no way Cardinal Whatshisname or the Tooth bitch ever will either! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
time: Feb 11 14:44 (Pacific Time)
from: Philip
host: user-38ld1he.dialup.mindspring.com
MESSAGE:
Where is Janice? I don't remember her being in this one?
time: Feb 11 14:45 (Pacific Time)
from: Roger
host: cgowave-21-143.cgocable.net
e-mail: Roger@mortal.heroes.cgi
subject: Oh no you don't!
MESSAGE:
Thats what you think! Oh wait since when do remote controls talk?
time: Feb 11 14:56 (Pacific Time)
from: The Leather Nun
host: du15.cli.ptd.net
subject: annoying characters
MESSAGE:
I got a better idea. How about if everytime the fictional five show up Mr. Tickles gets to screw their brains out. Then everyone will be happy.
time: Feb 11 15:43 (Pacific Time)
from: LANARK
host: 206.145.121.17
subject: fict.5
MESSAGE:
how about the F5 just never show up. I doubt if even the priapitic Mr Tickles could manage to maintain proper tumescence with this group.
time: Feb 11 18:41 (Pacific Time)
from: Joe Bagadonuts
host: du147.cli.ptd.net
subject: A Perfect World
MESSAGE:
Well, in a perfect world they never would show up, unfortunately some people don't want to do their part to make this world a better place. How about a compromise...the next person that writes about the F5 gets their brains screwed out by Mr. T. He doesn't seem to be that particular.