Chapter 2
| The Story | The Authors |
|---|---|
| She looked out of her window. It was windy and raining, very depressive. She was a bit anxoius and aprehensive. She had gotten angry at her boyfriend the night before and told him so in an email. She didn't expect for him to respond for a few days since he was out of town. She wasn't sure quite what to expect when he came back. He was a very passive person, and she loved him despite the fact that at times he didn't listen to her. Part of her nervousness was that they had never really fought before, and she hoped that this wouldn't turn in to one. Her friends said that the relationship would never last, that long distance relationships never did. But even her parents had lived apart for a few months, and it did nothing to tier relationship. Besides that he had asked her to marry him as soon as time and circumstance allowed... | |
| But then, she had met Ben. He was all her boyfriend wasn't. Her concerns were all that mattered, and her happiness was his quest. And perhaps most importantly, he was there, beside her, and not in some far away distant town. She knew now why she had gotten angry. He was not there. It was one of the most important days of her life, and he was not there. She had finally goten the job of her dreams, and he was far away. She had left a message at his hotel, sure he would call the instant he got in, but it was 11:00, and there was no phone call. She called Ben, and cried. He was her comfort, and he was her companion. | |
| He always answered. He never made her wait. He was so soothing, and calm, and sensible. And, he made her feel so good about herself! But..strangely..he did not want to meet. He said,"It would be better this way." | |
| yeah right bitch ass hoe!better this way my ass!maybe i was wroung about you? i thought that you were so different,looks like i was wrong.maybe it should be this way though,i mean,i could date justin bonaventure instead. | |
| "I don't know who this Justin person is, but I suspect he isn't your type" said Maria. "Why don't we go to Starbucks for a latte and try to work this out?". Ralph paused for a moment and considered his options. Did he want to go the yuppie route and drink caffinated beverages with Maria and discuss their relationship crisis, or did he want to run screaming in the opposite directions. Did he want this introspective narrative to stop before he went insane? "Sure Maria, let's go for the lattes, and maybe dinner, how about sushi?". | |
| Then, Daria woke up from the weird dream, that made no sence. She was wondering who Ben was and why he was in her dream, when the phone rang. "Hello?" "Hi sweeetie" was the reply, it was Jarrod "Look, I got your email, and I'm really sorry, I've been under a lot of stress lately. See, I didn't want to say anything because I didn't want to get your hopes up, but I've been pushing my boss for a job transfer, so I can be with you. So I've been working over time and all, I'm sorry I haven't called you and written you more. Forgive me?" "Of course Jarrod, it's okay. What about the transfer?" "That's why I'm calling you so late, I couldn't wait to tell you but I'm moving down there next month!" | |
| "Next Month!", cried Daria, just loud enough for Jarrod to hear over the phone. "Is that a problem?", asked Jarrod. "No problem. It's ...uh...I have to get somethings in order around here, ya know, straighten up the house, spay the cat, clean out the garage. There's so much to be done, but I can't wait to see you." "I can't wait to see you either, dear. Shoot my meeting is in two minutes. I have to go. Bye" Daria hung up the phone. She let out a sigh of relief. I covered that one pretty well. She even allowed herself a chuckle as she looked down at Katie's lifeless body. "Thats the last time you meddle in my affairs you bitch", yelled Daria and for good measure emptied her revolver into Katie's head. Then the phone rang again. No peace for the wicked, Daria thought. | |
| "Hello is this Katie?" the voice on the other end of the phone asked. Daria and Katie were always mistaken for each other. They had the same hair color, facial features, voice patterns. They always joked that they were separated at birth, but those were happier days. On a whim Daria answered yes. "Oh good, this is Jonathan Farrelly-Jackson with the Law firm of Buckley, Crandall, and Gradilone. I did that research that you asked me to ansd found out that your roomate Daria Fernwood does have a sizable life insurance policy. I'll forge your name on the papers and you will recieve the inheritance, if you give me 45% of the inheritance."said the voice. It had a British tone to it.One door closes, another one opens, thought Daria. She can assume Katie's identity, recieve money that is her's anyway and all of Katie's money and possesions and be rid of that jerk Jarrod. "Go for it" said, Daria cooly into the phone. "We need to meet somewhere to finalize plans." "How about the Bamboo lounge at the Barrington Hotel, tomorrow at 7:00 pm?" "Make it 8:00 and I'll see you there."said Daria and slammed down the phone before Farrelly-Jackson could reply or object. Daria, quite pleased with herself at this time, proceeded to the business at hand, disposing of Katie's already stiffening corpse. First, the head had 7 bullet holes in it in various places, obviously it couldn't be ruled a suicide, but someone had to discover the body and not suspect Daria/Katie. Then the idea hit her like a ton of bricks. | |
| "OUCH!" she said as the bricks hit her. | |
| "ouch" she said again. | |
| "It hurts when I hit myself in the head with this hammer over and over! Maybe I shouldn't do it any more!" | |
| But then again, I do enjoy the nice colors I see. Oh, look! What’s that coming towards me? | |
| "It’s a naked woman," said Dave. "Stay there; she’s mine." | |
| "Ouch!" He said as she hit him with her purse. "What are you doing in the woman's bathroom?" the woman said. | |
| He replied intoxicatingly! "I have to sit somewhere." | |
| "ta theli o collasoo" replied the incensed iraqi wardrobe extra! | |
| then suddenly a shakesperian dressed avon lady suspicously entered the room consealing a 38 in her green tights | |
| she wore me down slowly but I beckoned Father Tom to plead his case on the pillows in the shade of the corn syryp | |
| He told her that life was sometimes like that, she should go to the edge of the ocean and plead her case. | |
| Please make me learn to drive this damn Porche. I have taken out three yuppies walking down the street. One was headed for the Gap store, the others were going to shop at a Walmart, for Kathy Lee dresses. I gave them everything in my piggy bank. They still were not satisfied. They wanted more to cover their credit card debt. Can you believe, they walked away, without a scratch? | |
| Down the street I see another yuppie couple. Ooohh! These are special, too. They are doing the little known yuppie mating dance. It consists of showing each other their K-Mart clothes labels. | |
| Oh well. As I continued down the street I came upon a midget who kept repeating "Su mono es en fuego." Which, when translated means 'Your monkey is on fire." I wondered why he said this. After all, I had left my monkey at home that day. How could he have known about it? I then figured that I would do the world a favor by running him over in my imitation Batman car. There are only two existing in the world you know. | |
| The first is the all encompassing desire for beer, and the second is the way that the toast always lands butter-side-down. Oh well, I thought, just go for a walk in the park, and see if you can scare the ducks... | |
| But it's all so confusing. If the Post Office can deliver First Class letters in a day, what do they do with Second Class letters for the other day? Does the fridge light really go out when you shut the door? Is there really an old man who follows you around and throws diced carrots into the pool when you're sick? I sat and pondered these matters until I was aware of the presence of a young woman by my shoulder. | |
| The young woman informed me: "I am a mind reading psychopath that the police are using to find out your thoughts. I am taking you to my leader. Play it again Sam!" I looked with bewildermaent as I was dragged away. | |
| I was taken to the mental hospital where they made me recite idioms until I went crazy. | |
| While I was insane, I ate the fruit off an entire tree, then vomited on the nurses shoes and stockings. | |
| While I was insane, I ate the fruit off an entire tree, then vomited on the nurses shoes and stockings. I was shocked when she bent down to taste the vomit, then, licking her lips, grabbed the tablespoon off my lunch tray and began to eat my puke. "These people are crazy," I thought, and lept from my bed. I sailed Superman-style out the open window, not realizing that I was on the eighth floor. "Boy, I can sympathize with Liam now," I thought, standing and brushing myself off, amazed that I was still alive. I took off down the dark alley, my bare ass showing through the slit in the back of my paper gown. | |
| Little did I know that right behind me was something I couldn't explain. I looked down and all of a sudden there was this girl. This girl was not a normal girl, which anyone could see by looking at her. She was blue, had long nappy dreds, and three breasts. As she began to speak, I notice she was not even from this planet. She told me she was the princess of a distant planet. This planet was called Freakatron. She told me her name on Freakatron was Super Freak, but on Earth she is known as Latarya Harris. We didn't talk much afterwards because how much talking could we do while her mouth was on my d*$k! | |
| His hand reached out for the middle one of the three after a quick thought -- how does it feel like?? | |
| Then he realized that he was standing in a puddle of wood glue. | |
| what a foolish thing to have done! now who will rush to save the universe? | |
| Never fear 'cause Ashley is here. I will same you from these evil demons! | |
| You are a foolish son, never thinking before you run towards the glue. Let it bind you form whatever harm you try to do. Be thankful someday your time will come when you can jog with the wild horses once again. | |
| But do not rape the horses as the chickens were in days past. A time will come when all are created equal and Sgt Hoot will realize this. | |
| Sgt Hoot will die for his sins. | |
| I think this is far-fetched and incoherent. We need more parts to work on. Indeed we need the engine, the gearbox and the wheels. | |
| The dog slowly drove the car out of the driveway . . . | |
| Unaware of the much-hated cat about to leap out of the bushes and cause absolute havoc, however..... | |
| much he tried, the heroic dog could not help but come to the aid of the poor unhappy postman by biting his upper thigh off. At that instant, the cat jumped out of the bushes, and a cataclysmic battle ensued. Much of California was destroyed in this war between the cat and the dog...until one of them realised that it was time to make love, not war. So they both made love to the postman, and now have a wonderful family. | |
| now they are divorced and they are both disgrintled | |
| Persecuted she's not normal. I envy her strange ways. | |
| Strange but charismatic. What is Charisma anyway? | |
| ``It's the name of your next door sheep.'' Brad replied gruffly. Gwen was hurt but noticed a tall, dark handsome man in a brand new Ferrari pulling up by the side of the road. | |
| He jumped out of the car and proclaimed . . . "I am the sheepherder!" | |